Posts tagged joke
Five Doctors Go Hunting
Five doctors - a general practitioner, a paediatrician, an internist, a surgeon, and a pathologist - decided to take a weekend trip and go duck hunting.
Soon after they were in their duck blind, a bird flew over and the general practitioner said, “I think that is a duck,” and so he took aim and slowly squeezed the trigger…but then he lowered his rifle and said, “I better get a second opinion.” “Back of the line,” said the group.
Another bird flew overhead and the paediatrician said, “I think this one is a duck too,” and he took aim…only to lower his rifle and say “but that duck might be a mother have baby ducks somewhere.” “Back of the line,” said the group.
A third bird flew overhead and the internist shouted, “That looked like a duck, etiologically classified as Animalia, Chordata, Aves, Anseriformes, Anatidae, based on the size, I am judging it to be a male, with an estimated weight of…” Before he could finish his thorough assessment or raise his rifle, the bird was gone. “We do not need to hear all that gibberish. Leave it to me,” said the surgeon.
Then a fourth bird flew overhead and the surgeon immediately raised his rifle and with no hesitation shot the bird out of the sky. He then turned to the pathologist standing next to him and said, “now go find out if that was a duck.”
Breaking Even
- Patient: I swore to myself, "You better live to be 150!"
- Me: That's a ripe old age! Why 150?
- Patient: It's because of all of my pension, medical benefits and coverages. I figured, for all the years I paid my taxes, I cannot die before the government pays their due diligence and covers me for all of my future medical problems.
- Me: I see.
- Patient: I did all of the math already, you see?
- Me: To break even? At 150?
- Patient: *Serious tone* That's right. If I die before that, the government wins.
- We share a laugh.
Let he who is without sin pass the first stone.
Four call shifts this week…That is not so bad, right?
A Literal Context
- Me: As we discussed before, with your dose of morphine, you were more likely to have constipation.
- Patient: Yes, I know. Is there like a laxative I could take or something?...
- Me: Sure, we are going to...
- Patient: ...because I do not want to have my wife tell me I am full of shit and have her be right.
- Me: Um...of course, we will work something out.
- Patient: Excellent...
The Wrong Demographic
- Me: Do you know when the new DSM-V is coming out? I have been considering getting it for future reference.
- Psychiatrist: Well, at your stage, that is probably not a worthwhile investment.
- Me: More useful for the resident or the specialist?
- Psychiatrist: Not even them.
- Me: Really.
- Psychiatrist: Do you know who the largest consumers of DSM manuals are in the United States?
- Me: Doctors?
- Psychiatrist: Lawyers.
- Me: ...
- Psychiatrist: They put it to good use.
1,883 plays
To Boldly Go…Into Clerkship.
Ward. The final frontier. These are the voyages of the Medical State of Mind. Its four-year mission: to explore strange new conditions, to seek out new skills and new experiences, to boldly go where no clerk has gone before!
Your Baby is Insane by Poorly Drawn Lines.
An anxious and concerned mother with a comedic paediatrician who can keep a straight face, this short comic is hilarious.
Rx Shot Glasses from Neatoshop.
“As needed for pain. Doctor’s orders.” This set of geek shot glasses are extremely creative and would make for an amusing gag gift.
Jokes aside, I think it is important to stress that excessive alcohol consumption to cope with pain or other stresses in your life is not the only solution. If you are going through difficult times, talk to supportive people or talk to your doctor.
Scans by Sticky Comics.
Poor barcode, I wonder if it ever wishes it could get some extra investigations done. Or perhaps it is a hypochondriac and getting more scans was its ploy all along? The plot thickens…
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